Wednesday, July 31, 2013

What Abigail is teaching me...

I have been so extremely bad about updating the blog lately but life has thrown us so many turns in these last few months that I can barely remember to change out of my pajamas let alone, update my blog. So for my 12 followers :) I am sorry that I slacked off although I am sure you haven't really missed me.

We took so many trips this summer and made so many sweet memories and firsts together that it makes my heart want to burst at how amazing God is and how he changed our lives at just the right moment. But I always feel that a lot of people sugar coat their lives and don't tell you the "real"moments. With that being said adoption/fostering comes with SO many hard times it makes me really stop and remind myself that 6 months ago, I was on my knees praying for Abigail and wandering what was taking so long. Although the transition has been so smooth and so much better than we could have hoped for, a child that has been in foster care for almost all of her life is not a "normal" child no matter how great they raised her.

She still tries to eat so much food that it literally will make her sick. She keeps food in her mouth for at least 15 minutes after we have eaten just to make sure she doesn't go hungry. That is NOT ok. Just typing it makes me want to cry. If I am not giving her attention she acts out and screams and stomps, maybe typical behavior for a 2 year old, but I know its something deeper. She seeks all of the attention I can give her perhaps because she didn't get any. All of this turns my stomach and makes me stay up late at night thinking all of the "what ifs?". But what makes me even more upset, is  how people look at us when we are out in public and she is throwing a fit, or looking for attention by crying for 30 minutes.  They are wandering why I don't just "snatch up that child and woop her" (Yes they said that to me). But wait it gets better, how about the people in the checkout line that see me using her WIC checks and glare and make their assumptions that I am "living off the government", and making their assumptions on how I drive a nice car and are wearing nice clothes. - What is sad, is that when all of these people make their judgements I get embarrassed and want to scream SHES IN FOSTER CARE! WE'VE ONLY HAD HER 2 MONTHS! And anything else I can ramble on to make them understand. But the truth is I don't need to, and I shouldn't feel that way. God has blessed us way more than we could have ever imagined and all of those stares and comments don't matter. Because honestly THEY are the ones missing out. Missing out on how awesome it is to give kids a home when they don't have one. How awesome it is to hold her tight in the middle of a tantrum and tell her how much you love her and that you aren't going anywhere. Or how awesome it is that after 2 months of telling her over and over we love her, she says it back now. That my friends is worth all of the comments, all of the evil stares, and all of the judgements any bystanders have about me or my family. I think what she has taught me the most is that you NEVER know what someone else is going through. You never know if that mom or dad has been up all night or if they just need a break. As mom's we judge others so quickly and jump to think, "If that was my child, I'd ____). Instead of  thinking "You know what, I've been there!". I have definetly been counting my blessings a lot more and thanking God for this challenging time we are in right now. It's hard but the good times outweigh the hard times BY A MILLION!

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